A Year

I'm a little late with this post...what's new...but it's been over a year since Isaac has been home with us. Thinking back about this past year brings up so many different emotions. Joy, disappointment, love, hope, fear, confusion, gratefulness, but most of all I've been in awe of God's goodness.

There are times when I can't believe it's already been a year home with Isaac, and yet it feels like he's been with us forever. By God's grace alone I feel like we have completely meshed into a family.

You all know how I got pregnant... for me the worst timing ever. But God has truly shown me that I may have great plans, but that I need to let go. I had such great plans for Isaac & Rachel and I. I figured that this year Rachel would be in kindergarten and that I would have that one on one time with Isaac just like i had with Rachel. I figured we would go to Gymboree classes, have lots of play dates, and just have fun. My pregnancy ruined that expectation. I was sick..really sick for 6 months. I had to leave Isaac in the care of others. I couldn't carry him, and could barely sit up long enough to even give him a bottle. This broke my heart, and I was mad that God "let me" get pregnant! (I hate to even say this out loud, b/c I know there are so many people who would give anything to get pregnant, and i don't at all want to hurt or offend anyone by this-but i want to be honest.) But through this time there are so many things that i learned.

One was that we have a wonderful church family! A good friend sent an email out explaining our situation and within hours we had people signed up to bring us 3 meals a week for 10 weeks, and we had childcare taken care of for 3 weeks (until my mom could get here). People came and loved on Isaac when I couldn't. They fed us, cleaned up after us. And one family lent us a laptop so I could have something to do while I sat in bed for hours. Jesse & I couldn't have gotten through that time without them! It's really great when you can see Christian love in action!

The other big worry was that Isaac wouldn't bond with us. When you adopt you hear things like "don't' let other people hold them for 6 months", "only you should feed them/change them", "Keep visitors at bay". All these things that obviously we could not follow. I worried that Isaac would never bond with us. But it has been amazing to see how well he has. I do see things that I can tell maybe he's not completely secure in this attachment. He has stranger anxiety...& i know this could be just as much temperament, I also realize this could be related to attachment. But he still prefers us over everyone. He loves to give hugs & kisses. He is a goof-loves to make us all laugh, especially his sister. It's been so fun to see his personality emerge. He was so mellow for the longest time when he got home. He is no longer. He runs everywhere. He has actually lost weight (just a pound) in the last 6 months b/c he is running all the time. He is hilarious, and has the best little smile. The changes he has gone through have been amazing. His first doctor visit home with us, he weighed 17 lbs, was 25 1/2 in. At his 18 month visit he weighs 24lbs 15oz., is 31 1/4inches.


Once the birth of Levi got closer, a new worry crept up. I had been pretty indifferent to him. I'm not proud of this fact, but i was still pretty annoyed that this pregnancy messed up my plans. I started worrying that maybe these feelings would continue after Levi was born. But I have to say that as soon as I held Levi into my arms, I fell in love. I new that this was perfect. Our family. Every child that God has blessed us with. I have loved being a mom to three! Yes, my days are filled with diaper changing, spit up, and cleaning up, but they are also filled with kisses, hugs, and best of all laughter.

I am so grateful that I have a loving Father who knows what's best for me, even when I'm sure I've got it all figured out.

Just some photos

Here's Levi & his future girlfriend Lizzie

My grownup daughter (man where do the years go?!)

My adorable little man. (man, i just want to eat him up)

"little mom" Rachel & Levi


***I know these aren't great of Levi, but one of these days I'll download pictures from my camera...he's a cutie, looks just like his dad!***

BOO!!!

Here's some pictures of Halloween fun. :)

Painting Pumpkins

Carving Pumpkins

The finished product





Rachel with her friends

Trick-or-treating at Aunt T & Uncle Brian's


Isaac had so much fun. He got the "point" right away. Rachel was actually the one who got tired and wanted to go home, Isaac could've gone all night.
I know I don't have pictures of Levi, he wasn't feeling good, so didn't take part in Halloween this year...I guess there's always next year.

I don't know how you do it...

For all of you bloggers out there that have more then one child...I have no idea how you do it.

First of all I don't know how you find the time to blog. I feel like I have about 30 minutes of time just for me, and sorry but there is no way I'm using that time to blog. (maybe it gets easier when I'm not feeding a baby every two hours) :)

Secondly, i don't have anything that interesting to write about. Let's see I could write about diapers, snotty noses, diapers, kindergarten drama, diapers, and diapers. Not too entertaining for you readers out there. (if there are any of you left)

But I've gotten some requests to update the blog, so I promise I will try. Most likely I will just post pictures for you all. That's probably what you really want to see anyway. So I'm back, and this time I will really try to stay a little more on top of it.

A Guest Blogger

Friends, Family and Future Fans,

So, I'm kicking it with my Mom on the couch on Saturday night, listening to the Florida-Miami game, and to Dad ramble on and on about how the Huskers are going to need to put a solid running game together if they are going to compete in the Big 12, how the ACC may be the worst football conference in the history of the world, and how the SEC is overrated. Anyway, I'm kicking along to the ESPN theme music, and someone starts draining the pool. Now, this doesn't bother me - I mean, I was really starting to get a little pruny - but it apparently bothered Mom. All of the sudden she's up and running around - telling dad that she thougth the pool "broke," or something like that; typing on the computer, I guess to figure out if it could be fixed; up the stairs; down the stairs; in the shower; telling Dad what to pack. This can be more than a little disconcerting when you're along for the ride, hanging out upside down in a rapidly draining pool.


We drive over to the hospital at about 11:30 pm. There's a lot of hustle and bustle. Dad seems pretty happy. Mom seems less so. Then Mom and Dad decide to walk a marathon. I don't know why - Mom hasn't walked that far for as long as I've known her, and she knows when she tries that I am just going to make life miserable. She walks for about an hour, and I start noticing that she is squeezing me every 10 to fifteen minutes or so. It's not that bad. They stop for about an hour, and then, out of the blue... up they go again - walking in the same long stupid circle, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. By now, I'm dizzy, and starting to get annoyed at this squeezing every ten minutes. Finally they give up on their marathon to nowhere and go to bed around 4:00 in the morning.

The next morning there's a whole lot more hustle and bustle. At around 9:00, I hear someone say something about an induction. I am thinking, induction seems a little premature, but hey, they know talent when they see it. Having no clue about the difference between being "inducted" and being "induced", I try to relax, and start preparing my induction speech. Oh, I found out the difference. And trust me friend, this type of induction - you don't want it. Those little ten minute squeezes turned into monster bear hugs (you know the kind uncle Matt gives when he's trying to show how strong he is), and they were coming ever three minutes.

At 12:30 on Sunday afternoon, when I thought that I had had just about enough of this "induction" @#$#, this nice sounding woman named Ericka says "it's time to push." I figure, well at least we're done with "induction." Not so fast my friend. "Time to push" is not cool at all. All that means is that Mom (who I thought was on my side) starts helping whatever it is that has been squeezing me to really squeeze the ever-loving %#$@# out of me. And then I start banging my head... on everything. Bang.... "alright deep breath"... Bang.... "come on Amy, you're doing great... "Bang.. "a little harder..." ("A little harder," seriously Dad, if I was anything over 7 pounds, I would stand up and give you the ....). And on it went for an hour and a half.


Suddenly at 2:04 pm on Sunday afternoon, some (I won't say mean, but I won't say nice either) woman grabbed me by the head and suddenly everything got really cold. I started screaming, Mom started crying, I don't know what Dad was doing (I guess he's laughing, but it was just kind of weird), some lady I'd never met started wiping me down, and barking out numbers... "6 pounds, 7 ounces..." "19 3/4 inches long" "10 fingers," 10 toes," people started commenting on my nice dark hair, and how I looked like Sylvester Stallone at the end of Rocky I (you know, after he loses to Apollo).



Since then, things have been going fine. The bruises on my head and face are starting to fade, I'm eating like there's no tomorrow. Heck, I've even tried sleeping for four hour stretches in the night. I got to meet Rachel and Isaac. Rachel even held me for a while. She's great, but a little clingy. I think Isaac wants to pat me to death, so I'm going to keep my eye on him.

By the way, the name is Levi... Levi Zilen Rudy. Just thought you all should know I'm here.

Peace,

P.S. Here are some pictures to confirm my story. Sorry about the delay. Dad's not so good with computers, and we can't ask Mom to do everything.

Changes

It seems like a lot of changes have been going on, and not even the "big one" yet. So here you go....

#1 The change of teeth. Yep Rachel has lost not one, but two teeth in the last 3 weeks. We asked her if she was going to put them under her pillow for the tooth fairy...she told us that she wanted to keep her teeth & get the money for them. Jesse explained that the tooth fairy would lose her job if she did that, so Rachel decided that she already has enough money, and that she just wants to keep them. So I guess I don't get to be a tooth fairy anytime soon. :(




#2 The change of hair. So as most of you know Isaac has beautiful hair. It's very soft, and he has the best curls ever. Well, they've been getting really long lately, and we've been debating on what to do. He used to sit real still while we did his hair, but not so much lately. & it was getting to the point of having to brush it out at least twice a day or the knots would be impossible to get out. Jesse wanted to put it in locs...I thought he was too young for this.


So Jesse took him to the barber and brought him home like this.


yes, i cried. I actually really like it now, it was just really weird, he looks so different. He seems to love it though...he seriously has 5 times the energy now. I don't know if it was the weight of the hair or just that it made him so hot before, but whatever it is it's given him lots and lots of energy.

#3 Rachel starts Kindergarten. I can't believe that my daughter is in kindergarten. I have to admit this was a lot harder then I thought. I remember last year when she started preschool, and some of the moms would be freaking out & crying, and I just didn't understand. This year, I'm blaming my hormones, but I've cried. I actually didn't cry the day of, but I did before, and I did last night after hearing about how she had no one to sit with on the bus or at lunch. (so unlike my daughter) She usually has about 5 friends within the first 2 minutes of going into any store. It's just weird to see her going to such a big school (K-6th; 600 kids). I know she'll do great, but it's just weird to not have her with me all day.




#4 New Kitchen. Well not exactly a new kitchen, but at least new counter tops. Since we didn't have enough going on in out lives, we decided to replace the counter tops. Next up the floors! (erik you coming to help?!)

Before:


After:

So there's a quick update for you all about some of the things that have been going on with us. I have about 17 days left! We're still not ready...don't even have a name picked out for the little guy...Jesse wants a biblical name, I want something not too common. (please feel free to leave suggestions.)

And just to throw in a couple of more pics...here you go. :)

Happy Birthday Isaac

Can you believe it...Isaac is ONE! We had a birthday party for him on Sunday. It was great timing too, b/c that morning in church we were able to have him dedicated. It was very special. Here are some pictures for you all of the party. : )
The cakes:

First bite of cake. (he was so tired though, we thought he was going to fall asleep right in his cake)



He obviously needed a bath after this. :)

Here's a picture of Isaac, when he first arrived at Hannah's Hope. (i think he is about 6-8 weeks old)


*Sorry that i haven't posted in a while. I am feeling quite a bit better. But I still get really tired, I feel like I have a lot to still write about, so hopefully I will get back into the habit. :)

Finally

Here are some pictures for you all :)

18 weeks..... and counting

So i'm officially 18 weeks along in my pregnancy. This is when it starts to get hard, b/c it's at this point that all of science says that you should start to feel great. Well, i don't. I actually started feeling a little better about 3 weeks ago, but then last weekend, had a big relapse. I had basically been off all medication, b/c it didn't seem to make any difference on how I felt. I'm now back on one, just to keep me from throwing up again. I was even put on a pump for a while....let me just say I hate needles, and this was not easy for me. Jesse had to change the needle (which went in my stomach) every 4 days. It was awful. I had bruises and knots all over my tummy. It did help me to stop throwing up, but did nothing for my nausea. I also wasn't allowed to carry Isaac, b/c they were worried that he might kick it out. So after 3 weeks I had had enough.

For the most part though, I am able to keep food down. I still feel nauseous all day long, and have zero energy. But I have been able to get up a bit, and even help feed Isaac. I have some great pics of Isaac to show you all...so i promise soon, i will dedicate just a post to him :)

Thanks for all your prayers!

Here's a picture of the pump... fun! fun!

Where I've Been....

Would you believe me if I told you that I've been sick, in bed for the past 6 weeks? I did have the flu, and the Monday after I wrote my last post, everyone started feeling a lot better. Everyone that is except me. I started to throw up. It was at that point I knew something else was going on. And low and behold, we got the surprise of a lifetime....I'm pregnant. Needless to say this came as a huge shock to us.

For those of you who don't know all about our past, when I was pregnant with Rachel I was sick for 7 months...and I mean really sick. So after that experience I didn't know if I would ever want to get pregnant again. We also knew that we really wanted to adopt. So we decided to not get pregnant and go ahead and adopt. I debated about doing anything permanent on our end, b/c I just didn't know if I would want to get pregnant again or not. Well about 8 weeks ago, I realized that I knew I did not want to get pregnant again. I did not feel the need to have the "experience" or even have a newborn again. So Jesse and I started talking about what means we would use to make sure that I don't get pregnant. We were about 2 weeks late on the conversation. :)

The last 6 weeks have been really hard for me. Obviously, we had just brought Isaac home...I was really hoping & planning on having a lot of time to just bond with him, and let him have ample time to adjust to his new surroundings. Being pregnant throws a wrench in this, but being really sick & being pregnant, makes this impossible.

I am going to close now, b/c I'm starting to feel sick again, but wanted to update you all on what's going on. I will try to write more soon. I don't have a laptop, and sitting makes me sick, so I don't have a lot of time to write. Jesse usually brings his laptop home for me on the weekends, so I can catch up a bit on some things. So I will try to keep some updates coming. (thanks for all of you who have been concerned)

Next Year I'm Getting One of These...

Yep, we all have the flu...all that is except my genius husband who got the flu shot back in the fall. Live and learn. :) (i promise to update as soon as we are all better)