A Year

I'm a little late with this post...what's new...but it's been over a year since Isaac has been home with us. Thinking back about this past year brings up so many different emotions. Joy, disappointment, love, hope, fear, confusion, gratefulness, but most of all I've been in awe of God's goodness.

There are times when I can't believe it's already been a year home with Isaac, and yet it feels like he's been with us forever. By God's grace alone I feel like we have completely meshed into a family.

You all know how I got pregnant... for me the worst timing ever. But God has truly shown me that I may have great plans, but that I need to let go. I had such great plans for Isaac & Rachel and I. I figured that this year Rachel would be in kindergarten and that I would have that one on one time with Isaac just like i had with Rachel. I figured we would go to Gymboree classes, have lots of play dates, and just have fun. My pregnancy ruined that expectation. I was sick..really sick for 6 months. I had to leave Isaac in the care of others. I couldn't carry him, and could barely sit up long enough to even give him a bottle. This broke my heart, and I was mad that God "let me" get pregnant! (I hate to even say this out loud, b/c I know there are so many people who would give anything to get pregnant, and i don't at all want to hurt or offend anyone by this-but i want to be honest.) But through this time there are so many things that i learned.

One was that we have a wonderful church family! A good friend sent an email out explaining our situation and within hours we had people signed up to bring us 3 meals a week for 10 weeks, and we had childcare taken care of for 3 weeks (until my mom could get here). People came and loved on Isaac when I couldn't. They fed us, cleaned up after us. And one family lent us a laptop so I could have something to do while I sat in bed for hours. Jesse & I couldn't have gotten through that time without them! It's really great when you can see Christian love in action!

The other big worry was that Isaac wouldn't bond with us. When you adopt you hear things like "don't' let other people hold them for 6 months", "only you should feed them/change them", "Keep visitors at bay". All these things that obviously we could not follow. I worried that Isaac would never bond with us. But it has been amazing to see how well he has. I do see things that I can tell maybe he's not completely secure in this attachment. He has stranger anxiety...& i know this could be just as much temperament, I also realize this could be related to attachment. But he still prefers us over everyone. He loves to give hugs & kisses. He is a goof-loves to make us all laugh, especially his sister. It's been so fun to see his personality emerge. He was so mellow for the longest time when he got home. He is no longer. He runs everywhere. He has actually lost weight (just a pound) in the last 6 months b/c he is running all the time. He is hilarious, and has the best little smile. The changes he has gone through have been amazing. His first doctor visit home with us, he weighed 17 lbs, was 25 1/2 in. At his 18 month visit he weighs 24lbs 15oz., is 31 1/4inches.


Once the birth of Levi got closer, a new worry crept up. I had been pretty indifferent to him. I'm not proud of this fact, but i was still pretty annoyed that this pregnancy messed up my plans. I started worrying that maybe these feelings would continue after Levi was born. But I have to say that as soon as I held Levi into my arms, I fell in love. I new that this was perfect. Our family. Every child that God has blessed us with. I have loved being a mom to three! Yes, my days are filled with diaper changing, spit up, and cleaning up, but they are also filled with kisses, hugs, and best of all laughter.

I am so grateful that I have a loving Father who knows what's best for me, even when I'm sure I've got it all figured out.